I am the great Phoenix that rises from it's ashes
The slimmer light that peaks through every sunrise.
I die and resurrect as fire re splashes,
And come back stronger than ever beyond the sun light.
I wish this was a once a upon a time
However it's realer than my reality
I am lost without words
And scared that I'll face insanity.
I am just a teenage girl...
19 to my history
I carry a burden that stands alone
With this heavy weight on my shoulders called misery.
My father feels good when he belittles me
He throws objects at me for doing absolutely nothing.
He takes strong pride in what is not seen
But instead what is felt in opposition to bonding.
Father insults me every day of my existence
"You are nothing, you are useless"
With the intention to drive me away...
Little does he know he's been encouraging the way I was raised.
I love you too much but then I have to think twice
The things you have done for me will never add up to when we fight.
You eat me alive with your obliterating words
Can't even be two-faced the right way by making it up to me with a rose.
Growing up with 9 siblings
Half of them hate me and the others support.
But when it comes down to taking sides,
I will forever be alone.
Aside of the fact that they are being controlled,
By the woman who made me and the father who claims me
They wish to say things of their own but yet they're always regretting it because they don't.
It's okay to cut my hair when I sleep
Because even the fakeness at dark is foreseen
The realness in your heart is abstract because man,
That's some shit I will never see.
And it's also okay to:
Turn your back on me and consider betrayal your best pal
It's alright...the moments and secrets that we shared are way forgotten now.
Starting to wonder if I belong here,
Staring to wonder where I belong.
Mother dearest suffers from a bipolar disorder
She encourages me to be better to then claim that I'm a horrible daughter.
She makes me believe in myself yea, my "biggest" supporter
So much for helping me grow for 9 months when you had served as nothing but my down-holder.
Adolescence was never fun because I struggled when I wanted to go out
Losing friends from left to right was a the habit for awhile.
"Get out my house" was indeed her favorite line...
When she encountered her mood swings and pity never crossed her mind.
Tried to beg me to come back,
After months of being un-welcomed in my home
Where were you when I needed you the most and needed that heart-to-heart from "mother" that's created a deeper hole.
My mother beyond law and perception
My enemy and worst friend right beside neglection
If there was anything I've learned from having your last name
Is believing in myself and not ending up the same.
Mirror, mirror:
To that person I love
To that soul who still remains,
Repeat to yourself that in God you trust
And promise to never, ever, ever change.
You are the great Phoenix that always has her way
Because you pick yourself up and keep a smile on your face
That moment you spend starring the mirror down,
Remember that your heart is your anchor and your strength is your base.